


Technoblade Never Sleeps

by ACreativeNameWasTaken



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Minimal Sleepy Bois, No beta we die in a blaze of glory, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Swearing, pre doomsday, the egg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29826711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACreativeNameWasTaken/pseuds/ACreativeNameWasTaken
Summary: Technoblade has a talent for pissing off his enemies.Unfortunately for him, The Egg doesn't take witty banter well.Controlling minds isn't the Egg's only ability.
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Phil Watson, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & Phil Watson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	1. Technoblade Sleeps

The egg’s only ability is being able to take over people’s minds, right? 

Right? 

\---------- 

Technoblade had this magical ability to find a way to piss off even his most formidable enemies; does “so you’re homeless” ring a bell? And after the thorough mocking, the man had sent the Egg’s way, attempted revenge was only a given. The Egg could force its way into your mind and find out your deepest desires, a manipulation tactic to weaken resolve and make someone more susceptible to the Egg's control, but a much less common use for this ability was finding out someone’s greatest fear. 

And making it come true in their mind. 

Hence why pissing off the giant red mysterious Thing is probably a bad idea. 

Techno rarely slept. Sure, he was a piglin hybrid and as such required less sleep than the average person, but Phil was almost certain that Techno overstepped his limits. It only took weeks of non-stop passive-aggressively bringing it up for him to finally get Techno to go to bed for once. Although Techno was strong, he was not infallible, and Phil sometimes forgot just how much that damned execution still weighed in the back of his friend’s mind. He could see it in the way Techno’s hands hovered over every piece of armor, taking off his protection like he was ripping off a Band-Aid. Phil wondered how long it had been since Techno allowed himself to relax, taking little time to conclude that no matter how relaxed Techno’s demeanor may have been, his hand never strayed far from the hilt of his axe, his ears twitching at every little sound. Phil ached for his friend, his son who had not seen peace in so long. As Techno ascended the ladder to his bed, Phil had to suppress the urge to ask if the piglin man wanted a story or some warm milk, releasing a soft chuckle. 

He was careful to be perfectly silent, knowing that Techno may wake up battle-ready at the slightest noise, only relaxing slightly when he heard heavy breaths and soft snoring. Having tusks did often lead to a noisy sleep. Phil sat in comfortable silence, an old cloak on his lap as he worked fixing scuffed edges and frayed sections where an arrow may have grazed. Growing more and more relaxed listening to the crackle of the fireplace and the soft breaths of the emotional support polar bear dozing in front of it. Until he found himself waking up in the same chair the next morning. Phil chuckled knowing that if Techno found out there had been a night where their house had no one actively guarding it he’d be going another month without sleep as he made himself and the piglin man a pot of tea. 

And waited for his friends to wake up and come down. 

And waited for his friend to wake up and come down. 

And waited for his friend to wake up and Phil was bored. He poked his head out the window, it was just past noon. Even as a teen in the Arctic Empire days Techno never slept in this late. 

“He must have been more tired than I thought,” Phil mumbled to himself as he donned his cloak and left the cabin to tend to the farms for the day. 

\------------ 

Phil felt a pit of concern blossom in his stomach as he returned to the cabin and found that Techno still hadn’t left his bedroom. He knew Techno would be pissed but he was sure he’d understand as Phil carefully lifted the hatch to the attic to check on the piglin hybrid. Only to be consumed by worry. 

Techno was still asleep. Paler than Phil had ever seen him, taking labored breaths and bleeding from his nose. 

Phil shook his shoulder more roughly than he would’ve liked, “Mate? It’s been a whole day mate you need to get up!” Phil’s concern only grew as Techno barely stirred at such rough movement. The Techno he knew would’ve been up and in arms from a knock at the door. The avian man had been on this Earth for a long ass time, and he knew when to swallow his pride and get help. This was one of those times. Careful not to jostle Techno too much, Phil lifted him up still wrapped in blankets, bridal style much like he had done when Techno was taken ill with fever all those years ago. He made his way out of the cabin, balancing Techno on Carl as he took the reins of his own horse. Carl was smart, Techno wouldn’t settle for an idiot horse, he had learned that lesson back in his days fighting for sport, Phil smirked a little recalling all those stories of the legendary Brick. And so he trusted Carl to know to be careful, walking with very little turbulence, especially considering how fast they were traveling. 

Phil started making a mental list of all the people he could go to. Ranboo had slept at Tubbo’s house in Snowchester, claiming that Tubbo wanted to help him discover the limits of his enderman abilities... Not concerning at all. Tommy... No. Niki, perhaps? Phil remembered her patching people’s wounds with shaky hands after Wilbur... He’d rather not think about it. Phil winced. Fundy... His grandson, despite his betrayal, Phil knew he was an exceptionally smart kid. Remembering his experience in first aid as he had been told of his services in the initial war for the independence of L’Manberg. He decided to head to Fundy’s definitely not secret base. 

\----------- 

Fundy had had a surprisingly relaxed day, especially considering his home was in close proximity to L’Manberg, a place he was pretty sure saw days of peace as often as he looked forward to seeing the ghost of his father. Which was why Fundy was very, very tense. Things were quiet... Too quiet. Which was why Fundy almost shouted in relief when his Grandfather came riding towards his home with another horse in tow that held a... Was his Grandfather dragging along a fucking dead body?


	2. Enderman Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo returns home to find his safe place slightly less safe.
> 
> And by slightly less I mean much less.
> 
> And by much less I mean oh God everything's fucked we're all going to die oh lord.

_Technoblade never dies. Technoblade fears nothing, no one. Technoblade cannot be defeated. Phil looked down at the prepubescent piglin, ruffling his pink hair only slightly covered in zombie guts. It had been their first hunt and honestly, he couldn’t have asked more of his son; who tore through the groaning terrors with an ease Philza hadn’t seen since his own glory days. Sometimes Phil forgot that the time his son spent in Hypixel, carving a path through thousands of enemies and looking back for nothing, was a skill that could translate so heavily into life-or-death scenarios such as these. He thought back to the first few televised skywars events he had cheered on his son with such devotion to, what was it the audience had been chanting? Blood for the blood god! Technoblade never dies!_

_“Technoblade never dies, eh mate?” Phil chuckled as his son sheathed his sword coated heavily with zombie remains. Freezing when he noticed Techno acted like he’d had a bucket of ice water on his head. He reached out to the boy who all of a sudden looked so small, but before you alright mate could escape his tongue Techno returned, turning to him with a sheepish smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes._

_“Heh, yeah! Mere zombie nerds are nothing to the mighty Technoblade!” he held his sword to the sky, mocking the heroes he would see in Greek stories._

_Heroes that always found their end in tragedy._

_Phil saw the way his hand trembled slightly at the hilt of his sword; the way his son looked so old all of a sudden; the way his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. He couldn’t decide if it was a willing blissful ignorance, or Phil was so new to fatherhood that he wasn’t yet willing to accept that his methods were fallible, but he chose to blame this on a tired piglin after a long day of hunting, a trick of the light, his fatherly paranoia seeing problems that weren’t there. Oh, the things Phil would give to go back and change the way things became, maybe then he wouldn’t be filled with so much regret, looking down at his son whose shallow, heavy breaths bounced off the cold stone walls of Fundy’s oh so creatively named Secret Base. Phil couldn’t help but think that his son being in this situation was, somehow, his fault._

\---------------- 

Ranboo hugged Michael like the world would end if he didn’t. He knew that he was always welcome at Snowchester, that no matter what wars might ravage the land, Tubbo would welcome him home with open arms; but as always, he felt a fracture grow in his heart as he once again turned to the tunnel to return to the home of Phil and Techno. He was grateful, he really was! He didn’t know how he could ever repay them for their kindness after giving shelter (after destroying his home), returning his memory book (after probably taking it in the first place), allowing him to escape with his life (from the war they were waging); the voice in the back of Ranboo’s mind wouldn’t shut up. Phil and Techno had been so kind to do all they had done for him. 

He thought about the way Phil had taught him to put small, immaculate braids in his hair, only to allow him to sit in front of the fire as the fatherly figure hummed long forgotten tunes and weaved braids into his hair as though it was an ancient art form. The way Techno’s eyes would well up with pride when they sparred and Ranboo finally managed to disarm him (the way Ranboo had to run away with shaking hands and throw up, disgusted by himself and the violence of it all). The way the Arctic was filled with a cacophony of animal sounds, dogs, bears and villagers alike all living in this half-baked home they had made for themselves. Ranboo was grateful. 

Ranboo was also exhausted. 

As he treaded up the stairs and finally collapsed into his bed, armour still on, he almost fell into a dreamless sleep. Bleary eyes looked out of his window, the snow drifting by so gently, so serene, Techno and Phil’s houses never too far away, red vines creeping along the cottages, consuming everything in its path. 

Ranboo didn’t notice how there were no animal sounds when he arrived back in the Arctic until he was out the door, sprinting- all of a sudden so awake- to Techno and Phil, his friends' houses. He fell into the snow bank in a blind panic, the wet snow burning his face as it met bare skin. Ranboo let out a cry of pain as he held himself up with shaking hands. He thought he was safe here. He WAS safe here. So far away from the Dream SMP and all the trauma associated with it, he remembered travelling to see the egg with Techno, he remembered feeling safe under the piglin warrior’s protection no matter what Bad said. He remembered jokes about omelettes and demons and vines, he remembered sleeping that night feeling safe, knowing that no matter what happened, he had a safe sanctuary to return to; somewhere the egg could never reach. 

It felt like the pulsing red that crept along the walls of his sanctuary were laughing at him. Perhaps they were, Ranboo’s mind wasn’t in the condition to distinguish reality from... Not that. He looked around frantically, yearning for Phil to notice his panic and stroke his hand and he asked to count five things he could see, four things he could feel, three things he could hear. Ranboo felt his heartbeat slow, Phil may not have been here but he couldn’t let everything he had taught him go to waste, now slightly more lucid, Ranboo observed his surroundings only to find two sets of hoofprints. 

Headed in the direction of the Dream SMP. 

*I’m sorry I HAVE to bring the chapter to over 1000 words it was so close*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild Ranboo has entered the story! What will he do?

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow my Tumblr @acreativenamewastaken, there are other ways to support me there if you enjoy my work! :)  
> Dream appears later on I promise. I swear this is the fifth story I'm starting without finishing a single one why am I like this.


End file.
